My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
