He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
