i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
