Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
