why didn't you poke me back
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
