TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
