ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
