yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
soo... how was my night?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
