I hate all girls vehemently.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
