I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
