i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
