I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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