i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
