i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
