She is in my trunk
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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