Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
