Non-Jews are for practice
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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