Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
