I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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