It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
