I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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