And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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