M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
there is glitter all over my balls
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
