I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
