went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
