i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize