kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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