we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
