i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
