plz talk dirty to me
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize