he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
