You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
