Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
