Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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