Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
