I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
