I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
