Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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