Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
