i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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