margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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