I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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