Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
