I feel great
I just peed on a car
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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