on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
