I got chris browned last night
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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