I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
My balls are so social today.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize