glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Randomize
