That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
