The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
