I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize