So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
tequila makes me forget i have legs
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
