You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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