David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
