Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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