Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
