Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Vodka?
Forever.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
