it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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