is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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