The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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