If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
The beer is more important than you right now.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
