who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
is your mom at the bar?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
