put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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