You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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