I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
