on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
time to smoke my breakfast
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
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