if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
