it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
