my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
