What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I will pee on everything he values.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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