Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
did you just send me my own nude
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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